Let me start out with I love my husband, but if I had to tell you who my first choice of the "completely never going to happen" boyfriend list is, it's Peter. Yes, Peter from the Bible, so I am weird, like you, didn't already know that.
I am just finishing up with 1st and 2nd Peter 12 week study and it has been an amazing journey. Beautiful promises, big aaaaHA!s and new prescriptions(seeing things more clearly). 2 Peter 1:3 states: His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
I remember 3 weeks ago being 'WOWed" by that. I remember talking it over with Justin and sharing this dialog: What? I can't say, "your only human" to my sweet sister in Christ anymore? No more using Romans 3:23 for the perpetual bandaid of missing the mark? I NEVER knew that! I knew I shouldn't feel defeated because Jesus wins, he already came here, over came sin and death and he will come again and his kingdom has NO END. We shouldn't have the defeated mind set at all as we have been given everything we need for life and godliness. Thank you Jesus! SO now what, well what does the bible say ENCOURAGE one another! Love one another! I need to Jesus work on those things in me.
So a few weeks pass, we leave for vacation. I am in God's word at the farm as there are no distractions there. I didn't take my adress book or phone numbers so since I only have like 2 peoples number's memorized and HORRIBLE cell reception I wasn't calling(just an FYI) It was nice. The prayer was great, I had time to journal, to think, to let the Holy Spirit sort it out for me. God is good! I get to see some dear friends in Rapid City, 2 of my friends have daughters 1.5 and 2 and it was so cute to see them play and their excitement to see one another, much like the excitement their moms display when they greet one another. I feel joy as I type that thought. I love those ladies Steph and Jenn. I see Christ in them, he works through them in beautiful ways.
Vacation gets a little busy, God's word is MIA a couple days, then an entire week. I am in shock and stunned by things I notice, see, hear, they flood me, and it's all I can see, hear and the shock turns to depression. I am in a funk. Everywhere I look I see only sin and anguish and darkness and it is taking it's toll on me. I go to church on Sunday and the priest says, "it's not about a personal relationship with Jesus, it's about a relationship with the church that brings you into commune with the Lord." "What is going on ?" I am thining and I look aroud the sanctuary hoping to see one person in as much shock as I am but I don't. I rush home to tell Justin and he says, "yes does that surprise you? That is what they believe." My feathers get ruffled from this response and his delivery and by now my eyes are completely on myself and what I see(I forget, I only see because he has given me new lens) and I don't take any of this to Jesus, there is only dispair and I am having a rough time. I have no way to process and I just see all this terrible stuff all around, and I get so caught up in it that I forget, I know the person who knows all the answers and I am not praying. Then it's late(after midnight) and we are walking to mom's from my sister's(less then a block and accross the street) and there is a man walking behind us about 100 yeards. He is bundled up as it's cold, we can't see his features as it's dark and he is hidden in his coat and hood. He is using this strange voice and saying things like, "I am going to get you, I am going to kill you" and I TOTALLY loose it inside! I can't get inside my mom's fast enough, I can't get the door locked or even shut and Justin has to help me. He can tell now that I am scared and freaked out. He couldn't make out anything the man was saying, only that he had a weird voice and he was completely unbothered by the whole incidence and I was terrified. As I am lying in bed, I realize that I hadn't even thought to pray or acknowledge that Jesus was there with me. This isn't my usual response, I am usually the calm, prayerful person and Jesus is more to the top of the list of my thoughts, words and I never would have guessed I would be writing this type of story, not after all the promises God has given me.
This morning I am studying and recalling events of the trip, I am confessing my transgressions, my innappropriate actions and responses, but mostly my doubting of my Savior. I finish up praying and go back to reading and this is my scripture: Hebrews 10:35-39:So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him."But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
Surround yourselves with others who will encourage you Biblically correct, not politically correct ways. I loved visiting but it's good to be home.
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