So I have wedgie, it's uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to write about, think about and share with you. It all began in May. The feelings that came were un expected. The overwhelming sadness and waves of dispair, tough to fight daily. My husband poured prayer and encouragement, as well as some close friends and I cried out for the Lord to take it away but instead He walked with me through it. For what purpose am I struggling this way? Where was I going before this happend because I feel like I have been in a holding pattern for months?
I find myself asking this question a lot lately. Where am I going? Sometimes you feel like you are heading in the right direction and all of the sudden you are wondering, where am I? Ever feel like that? I have spent 10 days now waiting for a baby, I was convinced it would be here by August 20th, or at least 5 days before(both boys came 5 days before their due dates), but as I type on Aug 20, still no baby. I am so thankful my mom has been here for the past few weeks. I couldn't go on much longer in my previous state. I have had time to reflect, love on the boys(Justin too) and just have my mom love on me.
I have been in a hold pattern. First with the depression I experienced this pregnancy, I have never had the extreme sadness I felt during this last trimester before. Thank you to my precious husband who encouraged me everyday, prayed over me, and never once said get over this, even when I just wanted him too. Thank you for my friends who prayed over me, Christine who taped scriptures to all my windows to encourage me, my neighbor Rose for always checking in on us and helping me to tidy the house. It is so humbling, so hard for me and try as I may I am counting on Grace to get me through this.
God has reminded me once again, things run on His time, baby will come when it's ready. Satan likes to take oppurtunities when things aren't running on our time to plant seeds of doubt and worry, so we must work harder to trust Jesus. Well meaning family and friends push science and medical advice on you, thinking they are helping all while hitting you upside the head with Satan. You have to work harder to trust Jesus. Not always the easiest, though you want it to be. He whispers lies of judgement in your ear and so you have to recognize those for what they are, LIES and recommit to Jesus.
I want this wedgie out! It's uncomfortable and might leave a stain but hopefully that stain will remind me of yet another time the Lord has brought me through some tough stuff.
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